Saturday, April 11, 2009

Time is a great teacher... Unfortunately it kills all its students!!

quote: Hector Berlioz

What if you got old prematurely? No, no, just wait! Hear me out! I mean, what if you were young, like in your late teens or twenties or even in your thirties, and you woke up one morning with the body of an eighty year old?

What would you do?

First thing first? PANIC!! After that, try to find a cure. Of course, its infinitely likely that there is no cure. You're doomed to be old until you waste away from the illness (oy, if you're young and you suddenly become old, I'm willing to call that an illness).

Okay, so you're now old until you die, which will presumably be sooner then you may originally have expected, now that you're old and all.

Will your loved ones recognize you? Will they believe you? Even if you know the deep secrets that they only entrusted to you, do you really have faith that they will know you? They'll probably send you to a crazy house, or a group home.

Then not only will you be out of your element because you were young and suddenly you're old, but now you'll be surrounded by peers who grew up two or three generations before you did! You'll be an outcast in the nursing home!! Old men will hit on you (or old ladies, to be gender sensitive) and little old lady cliques will gossip about you in corners, assuming that you cannot adjust the volume level on your hearing aid and suddenly have super sonic hearing that allows you to hear through walls and across great distances!

Ooh, now that I think about it, I think I'd raise hell in a place like that! I'd be the rebellious little old lady! It'd be all kinds of fun! If no one believes I'm me, then whats to stop me from getting away with murder? (figuratively. Maybe.) I'd hijack electric wheelchairs and rob the other old folks blind by cheating at poker!

I think I'd definitely play at some serious online dating! BWa ha ha! Imagine some poor hot young fella meeting me for the first time and finding that his hot date is an eighty year old! (naturally I'd be fishing for men in their prime, so that'd make their horrified realization all the more delightful)

I'd be the bane of every assisted living home.

And you know what? I'd say SCREW YOU, CREDIT!! I'M DYING SOON ANYWAY!! And run up the charge on every credit card I could get my wrinkly old hands on. TAKE THAT, RECESSION!

Post of the day! I SO want to do stuff like this in my hometown. It's like an ART ATTACK!!!


ScholarLee said...

I don't know how I missed this the last time I was on your site. Hilarious! Perhaps I was too obsessed with trying to figure out the literary reference inferred by Nifty Knitters....Why don't you just tell me?

david mcmahon said...

Creativity impedes ageing!!