Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Had only shadows offended, it'd already be mended

Whatever happened to civility between strangers? Didn't it used to be that we were only openly hostile with personal enemies, coworkers, family and close friends? What is an offense without it's personal sting? Tis only an expletive shouted out a rolled-down window on a crowded street.

Or is it?

What of the complicated relationship between the employee and the customer? You give us a tip, we give you extra wings with your order. You say something nice, or you're just really sweet even though we've taken way too long to get you your food, we give you the ranch for free (and we're supposed to charge you for it!). You shout at us and blame us for the sorrowful state the world is in, we spit in your pizza.

I watched, aghast, as two cardigan toting 8 year-olds tormented a library employee. They jumped out at the employee, who was sporting some truly fantastic gothic regalia, and began loudly mocking her sense of fashion. After about 20 minutes of this it appeared she finally tired of their loud mockery and warned them off with a threat to kick them out of the library. The mockery continued in a quieter fashion for another hour before their guardian finally took them away.

Their undivided attention to the torment of just one person surprised me. Why were they so persistent? Did they know how tolerant the girl would be of their abuse?

The young woman had such patience during the ordeal, but once it was finally over her true feelings were revealed. When they were finally gone, she left the public area of the building in tears.

A couple of bratty 8 year-olds brought a grown woman to tears, and customers have a secret bill of rights that includes open abuse of their servers.

Does anybody else's cold revenge shake taste like spit?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Knitting death-lists into scarves

It's a Sunday in late September. Fall is here. That means it's finally scarf season again. How about we do something impulsive and knit a scarf, rather than buying one? I've always had a special pride in wearing a scarf that I made, rather than something produced en mass by sweatshops in third world countries around the world.

Alright, perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. SOME of them are produced by enslaved grandmas in government funded nursing homes right here in America! No. That's not always true either.
Okay, rather than using controversial guilt trips to say why you SHOULDN'T buy scarves, I'll give a few awesome reasons for making your own!

Totally unique. I suppose that's a rather UN-unique reason, but hey! It's true!

It's really easy, and later you can brag to anyone that notices your new awesome scrap of neck-warming fashion. Yeah, I made it. All by myself. That's right. Uh huh, used yarn and everything!

Really, it's hard to get hand-knit scarves anymore. Most are just skinny fleece blanket cut-outs!

Dude, two words. Marketable. Skill.

Also, it's handy to have a pair of sharp metal needles with you when walking to your car in the parking lot late at night. "Gimme your money!" "Wait! just let me get it out of my purse...." And then BAM! Make sure to go for a killing blow. You're less likely to get sued for grievous injury if he's dead.

Oh yes. And never forget the evil Madam Defarge. Her only weapons were her knitting needles and some red yarn; and she managed a whole French style revolution, including the chopping off of heads! She was like the ultimate super-villain!

Unfortunately for Madam Defarge, she didn't live long enough to knit her own name into the scarf of death.